


Lilacs out of the Dead Land

by abeautifulunfolding



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Suicide Attempt, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, War Setting, cameo appearances from Taka and Itachi, discussion of war and the impacts, so from his POV, they're both soldiers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 07:14:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13676844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abeautifulunfolding/pseuds/abeautifulunfolding
Summary: Sasuke has to choose between dying or spending the rest of his life without Naruto.





	Lilacs out of the Dead Land

Snow showered the ground layering each tree, shrub, and flower in its blanket. Their team of strategists hadn't accounted for this weather in the spring, which was another thing to the list of things going wrong.

Sasuke was bundled in layers of cloth. The cold hardly affected most of his family, but it caused problems for himself and the rest of the soldiers. Some who experienced hypothermia and frostbite. Days went by and the snow seemed endless.

They were heading west under Sasuke's command. He would lead the way on horseback to meet Itachi for more supplies and exchange information that was too dangerous to be written. The chatter amongst the troop nearly drowned out the gallops the stomping hooves from the horses.

The group of soldiers had rendezvoused at a temple. Karin, their medic, was currently arguing with his lieutenant Suigetsu.

Sasuke shook his head as he heard their bickering. The crew didn't know why they were at a temple.

Mikoto, his mother, was proud that he had made it up the ranks of the army. Fugaku also gave a smile of acknowledgment and didn't even mention he was still below his older brother Itachi's rank.

Juugo nodded at the messenger retrieving mail for everyone. Sasuke rifled through his own, searching for a glimpse of familiar chicken scrawl. A stack was from his parents and Itachi. A few were from higher officers. Sasuke dumped them into a bag carrying the rest of his supplies. He knew what each of them said.

He had many straying thoughts since he took command. The higher officers weren't happy about his progress and acres of land lost. Sasuke imagined they wanted him removed or executed for his recent losses and for not marrying the emperor’s daughter. The only thing that had kept them from turning those ideas official was Itachi's pleas.

His parents arranged Sasuke’s marriage to a prominent daughter of the emperor. She was his age, intelligent, and beautiful. Their marriage would help with the shortage of supplies and assist the war effort. Despite never accepting any of the forms, they kept sending him paperwork to sign.

Before the war, when there was an inkling of hope, Sasuke thought about telling his parents he wanted to marry Naruto. His friend had a high military status similar to himself and was beloved by their village. But what kept Sasuke from saying anything were Naruto’s status as a foreign orphan with no high connections.

They were neighbors when they first met. Mikoto was friends with Naruto’s mother, Kushina, which was why his parents took Naruto in after they passed. Kushina was from a different country but married someone from their own village.

Sasuke had memories of her happy laughter. Naruto took after Minato, his father, in looks, but was like Kushina in personality. Most folks were deterred by Sasuke’s standoff nature, but Naruto never gave up on him. As a child, he would bother and pester Sasuke despite having many other friends.

They enlisted in the war together. Naruto to prove himself, and Sasuke to make his parents proud. They competed against each other as they trained along with the other soldiers. It was a friendly competition and they encouraged each other just as much. At night, since their barracks were organized by the last name, Naruto would talk about his fears when everyone else was asleep.

Their relationship began then with the expectations of Sasuke’s family so far far away. As they rose up the ranks, they both were separated more and more.

He kept thinking back to Naruto’s letter. The last one, the one before there had been no response for months. They had been arguing over Sasuke’s intended spouse.

After their argument, Naruto’s crew had gone into battle and lost. The list of confirmed deaths had passed around.

In the past, he and Naruto would meet at this temple and explore it since Sasuke’s summer home was nearby here. They played there and Naruto mocked the statues. It contained many gods, but Amaterasu was the center of worship. The monks had abandoned it but left it operational free to use for anyone who needed shelter.

 

*

 

They had washed their hands and mouths with water and offered what supplies they could. Cicadas hummed under the almost full moon.

Sasuke leaned against the shoji. Everyone else was asleep or should be. He made arrangements in his letters about where he would like to be buried. Suigetsu was second in command and would naturally take over his position, but he also had Karin and Juugo there to advise him.

They clung on to him as soon as he met them. Karin even more so after discovering his secret affair with Naruto. She wasn’t like Kushina or Naruto in personality despite being from the Uzumaki clan.

The snow had stopped, but it wasn’t warm enough to melt the snow and cold enough where he could still see his breath in the air. He was dressed in a simple white kimono. He remembered a similar night like this with Naruto. A night in a temple where the moon was full.

That week had been one of the rare ones that they saw each other. As Naruto peeled each layer of Sasuke's clothing, his intense gaze never strayed. Every time they met in person they cherished their moments together.

"Let's run away together."

Sasuke closed his eyes and didn’t respond. He pretended to be asleep. He felt his temper rising, but he didn’t want to argue since that was all they had been doing up until this point. He wasn’t one to let anyone dictate his life. Except that was what he was doing by avoiding his parents and his impending marriage. 

In the morning, Naruto was already dressed to rejoin his own troop, but he stood at the door taking Sasuke in before heading to the door. Sasuke sat up and pulled the sheets near to himself as he followed his friend.

“I--” Sasuke said and then stopped. What should he say? Stay safe? Other unspoken words he already knew.

Naruto had stopped though and looked back. He leaned his head against the shoji and reached out, and for a moment Sasuke thought he was going to kiss him again. The other man smiled as he brushed aside a few of Sasuke’s stray hairs and tucked a plant by his ear.

“Beautiful, just like you.”

It was a lilac hyacinth.

Sasuke never saw him again after that and regretted choosing not to say anything.

It was a quiet realization. He had gone months, now almost a year, with the knowledge Naruto was dead. Each day was a chore. Even the rare evenings with his parents were bleak. Sasuke found himself scowling at Fugaku whenever he mentioned how foolishly Naruto had died. But if in the afterlife he could be with him would it be so bad?

It wasn’t just the shame at their meager victory, but that Naruto was reported going back to lead troops to the enemy side to save someone. Many died going back and Naruto never returned. He didn’t even end up saving that person. 

He could not--No, he would not live without him. 

It would be better this way. Without him, the troops would have someone who was more focused to lead them. Sasuke would not have the deaths of dead men from his own apathy on his conscience.

If he was quick it could be painless.

Sasuke's grip tightened on the blade. He lunged it into himself.

He had seen blood many times from his soldiers and the enemies that died and were dying. Fields of snow bathed in red. Sasuke was never so careless to get hit, and there was a distance to the pain when it did happen. He didn’t care about wounds, as long as it didn’t infect and Sasuke didn’t end up with gangrene.

There was a heightened awareness and shock that it was his own that surrounded him.

He didn’t know how long he was slumped against the wall. The sword was still inside him and he didn’t have the energy to take it out. He regretted doing this inside where the stains would be hard to scrub off.

His eyelids kept fluttering shut. Sleep sounded like a good idea. The moonlight gleamed on him and it was still dark when he heard footsteps rushing by. He was too tired to hear who was speaking.

He noticed red hair. Karin. She was attending to his wounds and stopping the bleeding.

“You fool,” a familiar male voice whispered. The shock sent him over the edge and he finally collapsed.

 

*

 

Sasuke awoke in the morning to the light flooding the room. He was warm underneath three pairs of blankets. He looked around and recognized he the same temple of Amaterasu.

Karin sat opposite side of the room. She was scribbling something in her notes. He reached to unhook some of the medical appliances attached to him.

“Don’t agitate your wounds,” she said, glaring at him. “You missed your small intestines and large intestines but scraped your internal organs. I’ve sped up the healing process, but don’t overwork yourself. Your skin needs to heal so the stitches can close.”

She placed her clipboard down and strode over to him to check on. He didn’t really see a point to it, but he allowed her to monitor his heart. That was when she started sobbing and Sasuke noticed how her hair and her clothes weren’t washed.

Karin was still glaring through her tears. “I babysit after Suigetsu after you’re gone? Did you think we wouldn’t find your letters sooner? You didn’t hide them well.”

“Did I?” Sasuke said with bitterness. He felt silly for being so sentimental.

“Don’t do that again,” she cried, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him in close to her. Sasuke wondered if she would hurt him. He didn’t care if she did. He understood her reasons but was stunned when she let go.

Karin took off her glasses to wipe the tears and the stains on them with her shirt. “A lot of people care about you, you know? Not just me.”

Sasuke sighed and nodded. Living on without him would be his burden to bear. He watched as she continued to check on him. It was quiet which was odd during mornings. “Where is everybody? How long was I out for?”

“A week,” She said, pausing what she was doing before she continued, “Officially you’re dead. So you don’t have to worry about concerns for desertion. The rest of the troops have gone on without you. I told them I would return after I buried you.”

Sasuke gawked at her.

Karin smiled for the first time. “I’m not the only one who cares. Someone came to get me and told me they noticed you waking up.”

She looked at the door and Sasuke noticed there was a silhouette behind it. “You can come in now,” she yelled, and then gazed back at him. “I’ll leave you two alone. Take care of yourself.”

As the shoji slid open for Karin to leave, the light of the sun enveloped Sasuke and the familiar face. One that had haunted his dreams and nightmares. They gazed at each other and Sasuke wondered if he was hallucinating.

The aged man was not the same bright star of his youth. His blond hair was cropped short, his eyes were weary with dark circles that rivaled Sasuke’s. There were scars on each side of the cheeks of his face that looked methodically put on.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Naruto replied, as he sat down nearby Sasuke. 

“How?”

“I was trying to save this boy,” Naruto explained, his eyes were kind of vacant and tone monotone. “He was maybe five and I saw him crying as they dragged him. He screamed for help, but it was a trap. They captured me and kept me, prisoner. I wouldn’t talk so they tortured me for any reason they could.”

Sasuke looked at his friend’s face and wondered about the scars hidden under his clothes.

Then Naruto peppered up a smidge, noticing his friend’s concern. “Then Itachi found me,” he recounted, his hands balling into fists. “Itachi wasn’t going to report it because the higher-ups were glad I was gone after what I did. He didn’t want it in writing that I was alive in case anyone intercepted it and didn’t let me write to you. But I’ve been staying at your old home since. When I heard you were going to be nearby here I came as quickly as I could, but got lost in all the snow.”

As the information sunk in, that his friend was alive and well. Sasuke laughed. It was probably a hysteric laugh since Naruto grabbed his hands concerned. He stopped and took in the tanned hands. They were warm.

“You dumbass,” Sasuke said, holding them tighter. He didn’t want to let go. “Almost dead for being too kind.”

“Hey, but that’s what you find special about me?” Naruto asked, grinning.

His empathy was along with many others traits but he shrugged to annoy him. Naruto glared, but it was only halfway since there still a smile.

It then fell. Naruto whispered, “You’re the dumbass, dumbass you almost killed yourself.”

The hands in him went limp.

“I couldn’t go on without you,” Sasuke tried to explain. It was silly. He didn’t like being so emotional, but when he wasn’t he felt like nothing mattered.

Naruto let go of his hands, but then wrapped him in a hug. “You don’t have to explain anything.”

Sasuke shook his head despite his friend not being able to see it. “I should though shouldn’t I?” He felt tears forming but then noticed Naruto was also crying. Naruto gripped him tighter.

“You’ll stay this time? Now that I’m here?” His friend’s voice unsure and quivering.

“Yeah,” Sasuke said, wishing to alleviate Naruto’s worries and his own. “Of course. Yes. I don’t want to leave your side for a second.”

“I don’t either.”

“Naruto,” Sasuke whispered, as much as he enjoyed being enveloped by his friend’s scent. “You’re too tight. You’re hurting me.”

Naruto loosened his grip as he turned his head. He was smiling. There was snot forming and his eyes were bloodshot. “Sorry,” he laughed. They stayed there hugging.

 

*

 

“Your feet are cold,” the other man breathed on his neck. “Stop it.”

Sasuke squirmed further into the other man’s warm body while tuffs of blond hair pulled away. He scrunched up his nose. “Your breath stinks.”

“I don’t want to get up to brush it though,” Naruto whined.

There were still dried tear stains on his face. His eyes felt swollen and pangs ran through his body as he got up.

He felt Naruto’s gentle hand on him. “Were you crying because you loved me?” Naruto’s grin was goofy, but his eyes were soft and tired.

Sasuke scowled and attempted to bite one of Naruto’s stray fingers. “Of course not.”

When Karin eventually came in, she yelled at them for being so physical while he was hurt. She told them she was leaving to rejoin and promised to see them again.

 

*

 

Spring came and with it brought warmth. Flowers bloomed again. There were bodies hidden underneath the snow that they buried together. They took care of each body uncaring of the uniform and hung the dog tags they found on their makeshift tombstone.

They also cleaned the temple of its grime and dust.

It was midday when they finished cleaning the entire right wing of the temple. Both of them rested on the cot they shared. Naruto's tender hands cupping his face. His breath familiar. 

Sasuke stared into his blue eyes as he felt the other man’s hot breath on his neck. “Sasuke,” he whispered as he inched closer. Both of them were warm in each other's embrace.

Naruto’s hand hovered over the scar. Sasuke removed the bandages and followed up with procedures according to Karin’s instructions. Naruto peered at it trying to form words. “Does it hurt?”

Sasuke shook his head and guided his friend’s hand on the scar.

Naruto pressed his face against Sasuke’s chest. Listening to his heart, before he began kissing each wound he had not seen the last time.

His friend had many of his own from when he was imprisoned. They were pale in contrast to Naruto’s dark skin. Unlike Sasuke’s which was dark.

“You’ll never be lonely again,” Naruto growled, his eyes shining a vow like many he had given. “I’m yours as long as you’ll have me.”

“I’m yours,” Sasuke repeated, as he pulled Naruto in for another kiss. It was slow and less desperate than their many kisses since their reunion, but they took their time feeling each other's lips and body. “In this life and our next.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure who this was for, but I'm sorry I finished this so late. I really hope you and anyone else enjoyed reading this.
> 
> PROMPT  
> Meiji era, sorrow, & passion. + 
> 
> "I wondered if dying was a better alternative to enduring the rest of my days without your sweet kisses to keep me alive" - unknown. 
> 
> \+ Ninjaverse/war setting, soldier Naruto & Sasuke, & Sasuke has to commit seppuku (PLS doesn't die; runs away with Naruto, instead).
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_YlDw6lBvI  
> https://i.gyazo.com/99cd417064c1f87d04422a3dae3e8f83.jpg


End file.
